Culture

Hilarious Notes From Neighbors Who Are Just Plain Sick and Tired

By Robin Mei - March 07, 2019

Where Is the Dog Whisperer When You Need Him?

Living next to a neighbor who keeps a cheerfully yappy dog that loves to vocalize must be pretty challenging, but leaving them a message that says “your dog barks, and barks, and barks…” doesn’t make much sense — it’s a case of pointing out the obvious to someone who probably doesn’t care..

The real question is what they can do to try and keep their dear four-legged friend just a bit more quiet so that everyone can enjoy their pleasant evenings and lovely mornings in peace.

Turn Up the Sarcasm!

There is no stronger weapon than a good sense of humor, especially when you need to deliver a message that practically calls for nothing more than the simple use of common sense.

If you’re coming home at 3:30 AM while most of your neighbors are still asleep, wouldn’t it be logical to do it as quietly as possible? We’re sure that many people would agree with us on this, but obviously not a guy with “envious neighbors.”

Lock 'Em Up

Not all neighbor notes are necessarily complaints. There are those meant to warn folks around the ‘hood about certain suspicious or illegal activities that have been noticed.

Like this one for example. If someone is snatching bikes in your area and you know about it, it’s sort of a “duty” to warn the rest of your neighbors about it. However, if you add a dash of humor to your FYI note chances are good more people will pay attention to it.

Cock-a-Doodle-Don't

In this Internet age, every now and then a post like this one with a (pre)warning to a rooster owner pops up on social media. Every time, no matter how clear the message, it always raises questions — like who keeps a rooster in a flat anyways?

On the other hand, if a note like this one comes from a person who lives outside the city, there’s only one answer to it: Dear friend, get used to it! Roosters live there too.

A True Hero

Those who have never, ever forgotten to lock the door behind them may cast the first stone here. The rest of us who have made the same mistake of leaving the house without checking if the front door is actually closed can only hope that there’s a “polite marauder” watching out for us.

Having the obvious pointed out and alerting this particular individual as to what might have happened is just an added (albeit slightly alarming) bonus.

Break It Up, You Two

Every couple fights. Even the ones who swear that they have never exchanged a bad word or raised their voices to one another find themselves in a situation which can fall into the “quarrel” category.

Arguing with your partner is not necessarily a red flag for your relationship, but it can be for your neighbors, especially if you tend to have those tumultuous conversations in the wee hours of the morning while the world around you is trying to sleep.

Calling Out the TP Thief

The best advice we can give you for peaceful coexistence with the neighbors in any apartment building is pretty simple: Never, ever mess with other people’s packages.

If you’re expecting deliveries of your own to arrive, obviously feel free to check out if your name is on any of the packages left on the staircase (or wherever the delivery guys put them in your building). Here’s the thing — take only the ones you actually paid for. Anything other than that kinda makes you a jerk.

How's Your Internet Doing?

If this note left on someone’s door were just a witty way of checking on friendly neighbors who haven’t been seen around for a while, then we’d say it’s pretty awesome. Now, if it’s because Nick is really piggybacking on your Internet connection, that’s not cool.

If Nick is stealing some online time, we can definitely tell he’s not using it to improve his spelling and grammar. At least he was kind enough to sign off with an “xo.”

The Friendly Neighborhood Python

Ever had to start your day finding out you have a massive snake slithering around somewhere in your general vicinity with a request to ring its owner if you happen to trip over it? We didn’t think so.

One big question we have in this case is this: What’s with the “may” part of this note? Is it possible for a snake that size to sneak out of a building undetected? If so then, wow. Just… wow.

The Reason Earplugs Were Invented

Speaking (or singing) the truth should be something people do more of, but as it usually happens with the simple concepts there’s a catch-22. If you know that telling the truth, whatever it might be, is likely to hurt someone’s feelings finding the right way to do it is key.

Posting an anonymous note to someone’s door is a legit (and pretty comfortable) option, but is it the best one? From what we’ve heard, it’s always going to be a matter of debate.

Creepmobile

There’s hardly a person who would feel comfortable walking along a dark street at night, with nothing but a sketchy-looking van around them. It’s a scenario that lends itself all sorts of understandably terrifying narratives inside your mind.

But, if you happen to live on a street with a neighbor who owns a scary van and loves to park it in front of your home, what else can you do but post him a note like this one?

Compassion For Plants

Ah, the caring neighbor. It’s good to see such an idea still exists. A person has found a broken pot with a plant in a “catatonic state,” a scene lots of people would probably ignore. It’s just a plant, right? Kudos for the extra effort put forth to let this scared foliage know everything is going to be alright.

This could have gone a much different way, with someone airing their concern over a plant bomb falling off the balcony above them.

Harry Potter and the Very Noisy Neighbor

Living in the apartment under the stairs doesn’t sound like much fun but things can get even worse if you also have a noisy neighbor living in the apartment above you whose steps remind you of Harry Potter’s Rubeus Hagrid.

Either way, leaving him a message like this one is not only an appropriate thing to do, but some might even see it as charming. However, if you’re not a Harry Potter fan chances are very good this note is not going to sit well with you.

Try Not to Sneak a Peak

Not everyone appreciates living in a voyeuristic paradise next to neighbors who obviously think that using the blinds is totally unnecessary. Judging by this note there are still people who would rather not know how their neighbors’ homes look like inside, or more importantly what is going on in there.

Keeping a bit of privacy is a nice thing to do, if not for your own sake, then for the sake of your not-so-nosy neighbors.

They Make Water Bottles for Ferrets?

Leaving your neighbor a message with an appeal to return whatever they might have taken (intentionally or accidentally) is one thing, but it is possible to go a little too far.

If the person who posted this note stopped right after the first paragraph and end it with “Please return it to apartment 35” the chances are “someone” might actually bring back the ferret’s bottle for an “annoying cat.” The second half of the note significantly decreased possibilities for something like that to happen.

You've Been Warned

It’s pretty hard to imagine that there are still people who “forget” to clean up after their dogs. We are more than sure that a reminder like this one will not help a lot, even though it starts with a nice “Hi.”

The rest of the message looks more like a declaration of poop war. This “notice of the intention” with a very vivid description of what can be expected… You can almost hear the beating of war drums.

So What You're Saying Is...

Only a person who has more than one cat at home knows how stressful it can be to try and keep them all inside. A slightly open window or a single doorbell is all it takes for smart felines to capitalize on an opportunity to make a run for it and be gone for hours.

Cunning indoor cats spend a lot of their day planning their strategy, so notes like these should be taken seriously no matter how funny they seem to be.

Poetry in Heavy-Footed Motion

A friendly haiku sounds like an excellent idea for a note to a noisy neighbor with a heavy walk, but only if he or she has a great sense of humor. Maybe you’ll even find a new friend in there if you and the person living above you share the same funny bone or perhaps a love of poetry.

Otherwise, comparing your new neighbor with a dinosaur might be kind of counter-productive, wouldn’t you agree?

Your Mailbox Sucks

Not all neighbor notes are angry ones. Some come with a nice compliment and a friendly suggestion on how to improve the overall look of your property.

A well-intentioned person has left this rather short but to the point note for their next door neighbor saying that he (or she) loves their beautiful house but basically can’t stand their ugly mailbox and kindly suggests them to get a new one.

Ouch

It’s hard to say if this kind of message addressed to the unknown thieves will ever be read by the perpetrators of the crime, but if nothing else it lets someone vent some frustration for it happening in the first place.

It would really be a downer to find out that someone has just your grandchild’s favorite outdoor distraction, so even if you don’t entirely approve of the tone of this note, you can at least empathize with the person who wrote it.

Butt Out, For the Sake of the Cat

There is a tried and true method for getting someone to do something for you, and that’s playing the “think of the children” card (or in this case, the cat) and hoping that their melting heart takes over from there.

The picture is an added reminder of who is being affected by their actions. The homeowners just want this particular smoker to stop making their lawn an ashtray so that their kitty can’t use it as a buffet at night.

The Power of Christ Compels You!

A touch of sarcasm never hurt anyone, but you do need to be careful about how much is too much when writing a note to a “noisy” neighbor. Sometimes a little goes a long way, but sometimes witty comparisons can hurt good neighborly relations.

Even though this one gave us all a good laugh, we can’t be too sure if Don Juan from upstairs appreciated the comparison between their bedroom skills and the practice of exorcizing demons.

No One Likes a Loud Late Night Skyper

No one disputes that everyone has the right to do whatever he or she wants in their own apartment for as long no one is breaking the law and isn’t interfering with their neighbors’ peace and quiet.

So, if you love to spend your nights awake, watching movies, playing video games or chatting with people in different time zones, that’s more than okay. Just don’t forget that headphones were invented for a reason.

Dear Frank: Stop Drinking

Chances are good that (almost) anyone could somehow end up being terribly drunk, and find him (or her) self in some strange place, doing pretty awkward things.

It’s not the end of the world if something like that happens, but when it does you better prepare yourself for some rather embarrassing follow-ups from your friends and even a note from your neighbors, especially if you mistake their house your own and continue “partying” there while they are asleep.

An Unwanted Playlist

Having happy, cheerful neighbors sounds way better than having gloomy and bitter ones who start to hate the entire world even before they get out of bed in the morning. Yet, after reading this note, you’ll see there’s a downside of “excessive” happiness as well.

When high-spirited neighbors don’t know when it’s the right time to stop sharing their bliss with the rest of the world and insisting on screaming, “Hold me closer, Tony Danza!” at the top of their lungs, you might quickly end up being the frustrated one yourself.

Christmas in March Isn't a Thing

If every day feels like Christmas to you, that doesn’t mean your neighbors feel the same day after day after day. What puts you in a good mood may not work for people around you, so you may want to try and keep your festive morning music selections to yourself.

If you happen to be that certain someone who needs the extra volume in order to appreciate Bing Crosby crooning “White Christmas,” remember that Bing would never, ever approve of anyone playing holiday tunes over March Break.

Pooper Scooper

Isn’t it lovely when you have a good neighbor like this one who doesn’t mind cleaning up after your dogs when you “forget” to do that yourself, then goes to the trouble of getting you some baggies and leaves them in front of your door with a friendly note?

Well, maybe in theory it is. In practice, that means you are not only a lousy neighbor but deserve a little stinky reminder that your pets can’t use the neighborhood as a bathroom.

Long-Distance Romance

Love knows no boundaries, so when a person knows it’s in their power to help a buddy out in finding that special someone, why not do whatever you can to make sure they’re happy?

Sometimes, though, that love has to remain at a distance. We all know a canine/feline romance would never work (at least we’re pretty sure it wouldn’t), but at least every effort can be made to not dash any hopes. Sometimes it’s as simple as moving a plant so Rover can keep on dreaming.

Taking Things to the Extreme

We can imagine that finding dog poop in the trash can in your own backyard (especially if you don’t have any hounds) is probably an unpleasant experience, but is a note like this one really necessary?

How about asking this old lady to stop doing what she’s (allegedly) doing in a friendly, polite way and just get over with it? At the very least, adding a bit of humor into the warning note probably wouldn’t hurt.

Eric, the Neighborhood Cheesehead

Even though we’ve seen hundreds of photos of neighborly notes people post online, we have to admit that this one is probably the most confusing one we’ve come across so far.

Who the heck (except this guy Eric apparently) is throwing cheese on anyone’s roof and why? Do birds and love cheese? Are mice taking over the rooftops, so the cheese is acting as bait? We’d really love to know the reasoning behind this one.

Some Things You Can't Unsee

Privacy is sacred, there’s no doubt about it. However, if we expect people to respect our privacy, we are not only obliged to respect theirs, but we should also think about protecting them from our own… how should we put this… private time?

This concept may sound a bit confusing, but if you really give it a thought, you’ll see that it makes lots of sense. Just read this polite note from a “concerned” neighbor, and you’ll get the picture.

Curtains Were Made For Closing

Nobody is going to stand there and advocate for the right to peak into their neighbor’s homes with the argument of it being lawful voyeurism. That’s just not how our society works. What happens in someone else’s home is their business, not yours.

But when a neighbor’s business is a sexy one, and it happens right in front of your face night after night through a wide open window, what else can be done other than to kindly ask that the shades be pulled down.

Socks Are for Suckers

There’s a fine line between being a caring neighbor and an intrusive neighbor, and whoever wrote this note might be walking that line. If it’s snowbanks and ice patches the kids are walking over, fair enough. Maybe a slipper compromise can be made?

Who knows, maybe the kids freak out anytime mom tries to put socks on them. Or they think shoes are for suckers. It could also be that mom really is just plain lazy.

Keep Your Crap to Yourself

It seems that some people are just not fit for a life in an apartment building. If you’re going to make the leap of moving into a place, there’s always a chance you’re not going to see eye-to-eye with your neighbor down the hall.

You know who we’re talking about — the guy who isn’t a fan of disposing of his trash. It means do not leave your trash around as you please unless you want to get a message like this one.

Breaking News

Here’s the situation: Individual A has a daily newspaper being delivered, only because they still have a landline and haven’t realized you can do crosswords online now. They are peeved at Individual B, who is making off with said newspaper on a regular basis.

And so the battle of words and threats unfold. Where this story goes from here is uncertain, but there’s a chance it might end with a write-up in the local paper about two people being arrested for assault.

"Nice!"

Breaking up daily routines every now and then is not only highly recommended but it’s usually pretty fun. That goes for many things in life, from the way you start your day to what you do when you try to rest and relax.

We’re guessing the same advice can be applied to your sex life too. But you may not want to push things (or floor buttons) too far, like having sex in an elevator. Especially if you’re willing to tidy up when you’re finished.

When Jerks Collide

If you were in need of a taxi but weren’t having any luck flagging one down, would you go for the first taken one that is driving past, stop it, and unceremoniously throw its passenger out the door so that you could hop in? No?

Well, don’t do the same with an occupied washing machine either or you might end up getting a note like this one, plus the revenge of a rightfully angry neighbor.

And Cue the Wah-Wah Pedal...

No matter how hard we tried, we simply couldn’t decide who is the true “freak” here — the lads to whom this note is addressed to or this girl Jenna who apparently wrote it.

What we have here is a prime example of the dangers of getting your groove on out in the open, even if it is on private property. Apparently, this woman is finding out that a simple fence isn’t enough to keep some folks from wanting to grab a bleacher seat for the show.

A Polite Request

Calling your new neighbor an “asshat” is not a really nice thing to do no matter what, even if he (or she) keeps blocking your driveway. There are many more appropriate ways to ask them to change their parking habits. Maybe start with calling them a jerk, then work your way up from there?

Wouldn’t it be more helpful to show up at your neighbor’s door with a peace offering, then pop the question: Can you please, for the love of all that is good in this world, move your car… permanently?

Respect My Authoritah!

If this angry neighbor’s note weren’t signed with the name ‘Eric Cartman’, it would definitely sound extremely intimidating and even terrifying. This little detail at the end actually makes it hilarious!

We only hope that the rest of the residents reading it are also South Park fans because if they are not, the chances are their witty neighbor who wrote the note might get mistaken for a deranged killer who threatens people with a blood-thirsty vengeance.